When it comes to romantic love, loving too much can be a problem. Despite our social norms and upbringing, loving too much can turn into a bad habit that can work against us in the long term. You see, in a healthy relationship there should be an equal split between giving and receiving. Between talking and listening. Between words and action. True love cannot be one-sided. It cannot be needy. And it does not manifest itself as a continuous heartbreak or a feeling of despair or emptiness. There are certain characteristics that are typical for women who love too much. Let’s look at these now so we can better understand what loving too much really means.
The following characteristics are typical of women who love too much:
1. Typically, you come from a dysfunctional home in which your emotional needs were not met
2. Having received little nurturing yourself, you try to fill this unmet need by becoming a care-giver, especially to men who appear, in some way, needy.
3. Because you were never able to change your parent(s) into the warm, loving caretaker(s) you longed for, you respond deeply to the familiar type of emotionally unavailable man whom you can again try to change, through your love.
4. Terrified of abandonment, you will do anything to keep a relationship from dissolving.
5. Almost nothing is too much trouble, takes too much time, or is too expensive if it will “help” the man you are involved with
6. Accustomed to lack of love in personal relationships, you are willing to wait, hope, and try harder to please.”
7. You are willing to take far more than 50 percent of the responsibility, guilt, and blame in any relationship
8. Your self-esteem is critically low, and deep inside you do not believe you deserve to be happy. Rather, you believe you must earn the right to enjoy life
9. You have a desperate need to control your men and your relationships, having experienced little security in childhood. You mask your efforts to control people and situations as “being helpful.”
10. In a relationship, you are much more in touch with your dream of how it could be than with the reality of your situation
11. You are addicted to men and to emotional pain
12. You may be predisposed emotionally and often biochemically to becoming addicted to drugs, alcohol, and/ or certain foods, particularly sugary ones.
13. By being drawn to people with problems that need fixing, or by being enmeshed in situations that are chaotic, uncertain, and emotionally painful, you avoid focusing on your responsibility to yourself
14. You may have a tendency toward episodes of depression, which you try to forestall through the excitement provided by an unstable relationship.
15. You are not attracted to men who are kind, stable, reliable, and interested in you. You find “nice” men boring.
Characteristics of women who have healthy approach to loving and be loved:
1. She accepts herself fully even when she wants to change parts of herself. There is basic self love and self regard which she nurtures
2. She accepts others as they are without trying to change them or making them try to meet her needs..
3. She is in touch with her feelings and attitudes about every aspect of her life including her sexuality
4. She cherishes every aspect of herself: her personality, her appearance, her beliefs and values, her body, her interests and accomplishments. She validates herself, rather than searching for a relationship to give her a sense of self-worth.
5. Her self-esteem is great enough that she can enjoy being with others, especially men, who are fine just as they are. She does not need to be needed in order to feel worthy.
6. She allows herself to be open and trusting with appropriate people. She is not afraid to be known at a deeply personal level, but she also does not expose herself to the exploitation of those who are not interested in her well-being.
7. She questions, “Is this relationship good for me? Does it enable me to grow into all I am capable of being?”
8. When a relationship is destructive, she is able to let go of it without experiencing disabling depression.
9. She has a circle of supportive friends and healthy interests to see her through crises.
10. She values her own serenity above all else. All the struggles, drama, and chaos of the past have lost their appeal. She is protective of herself, her health, and well-being.
11. She knows that a relationship, in order to work, must be between partners who share similar values, interests, and goals, and who each have a capacity for intimacy.
12. She also knows that she is worthy of the best that life has to offer.
We hope that this blogpost was helpful in understanding yourself and your love choices better.