Did you ever realise that your income might depend on who you are surrounded with? Or that selecting your tribe of supporters might be a total game changer in your life? This topic has been on my mind…as like for many startup owners, real support doesn’t come easily but once its there it means everything.

 

Some of us might feel that we don’t have the luxury to be very selective about who we spend time with… Or so we think… Despite the fact that our self-confidence and self-worth is formed primarily throughout our early years, as we grow older we are very influenced by people we are surrounded with.  We often increase our self-worth by associating ourselves with people who can make us feel better or put us in a more positive light…. We are social animals and we crave people’s approval. We like to associate ourselves with groups that are more successful or more established than us…And that is all natural but not a healthy way to increase your general self-worth. We need to work on feeling good about ourselves despite how others think about us.

 

Hanging out in the environment that supports us is very different to spending time with people just to get their approval.  If we spend time with people who perhaps are not very confident themselves – they are unlikely to give us encouraging advice and show some optimism to our latest business idea…It’s something we all need to consider, but I feel this is especially applicable to women.. The way we – women try to improve how we feel, is often by sharing our struggles with others…We might look for advice from others on whether we should take a new direction in life, change our career, have another child…etc. But often when we do that we end up disappointed….Why is that ??

 

It’s because others will ALWAYS advise us what to do from their point of view – i.e  what’s best option for them, not what is genuinely the best for you. Other people see the world from their perspective.  How they see the world is influenced by their beliefs, values and past experiences…

 

They won’t advise you what is best for you. YOU KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU !!

 

 

And this takes me to the definition of a friend… 

 

This definition might be different to each one of us but to me personally a friend is someone who is able to give you constructive feedback, guilt free, knowing that you don’t dump them as a friend. Friend is not someone who is there to shower you with compliments and tell you how great you are regardless of circumstance! It’s someone who will tell you when you are not so great and by doing this they will give you a reason to grow….

 

…..Except, the problem is that most of us don’t like to hear that we are not great at something, and taking this on board takes emotional maturity…

 

And so, as we go through life we often spend time with people who are likely to be similar to us, give us a compliment, share a struggle and by doing so – make us feel a little bit better for a shot while. But how many people do you know who boost your confidence, energise you, lift you up when you feel low and motivate you to keep going?

 

So it’s all nice and supportive to share our struggles with others…as long it doesn’t consume all of our energy.

My advise is that if you want to improve your life, you need to look at who do you spend most of your spare time with…outside your family home. Look at your current circle of friends and ask yourself:

  • Who supports me the most in my goals?
  • Who is really interested in what I want to achieve?
  • Who makes me feel anxious or low on regular basis?

 

By being more selective about your immediate circle you will keep your power over your future progress. Stay away from people who regularly make you doubt yourself or want to compare themselves to you or just complain about their life…

 

It might seem like not a very nice thing to do – but remember – THIS IS YOUR LIFE !!

 

It’s up to you if you want to spend the rest of your life with people who don’t support you or are jealous of your progress, or you prefer to create new network of people. People who have similar goals, strive for similar things, or perhaps have already succeeded in this. Someone you can learn from.

 

You are the average of 5 people you spend most time with..!

 

Are you happy who you are? Or is it worth changing the five people you spend most time with?